Sometimes when I want to give my legs a rest I take the train, bus or Tube up to the smoke. I used to catch the train from Gipsy to Tulse and change for a train to Farringdon. But then the train got delayed and made me late. So then I caught the bus to Tulse and it was working perfect.

Then I found out about the ALMIGHTY X68.

£2 and it will take you to the heart of the capital. The rules of the express are simple: once you're on, you can't get off. There are regulars; they know where to find the seats. Let the regulars on first – just out of respect, because they have yet to discover a world by bike.

The first set-down is Waterloo. Last pick up is West Norwood – but it's packed by then. You could end up standing for 50mins. Be prepared for things to happen that are unusual.

Right now, there is a man sculpting a little girl's face from clay over by the doors. (I tried to get a picture but someone's head is in the way)

Since January, however:

A girl in a horrific green tracksuit has sat next to me and read Vogue. Just seems silly.

On another journey, a girl actually had the name Sambuca

Someone got on the bus with a label from a supermarket cucumber stuck on her forehead. I definitely think she didn't know it was there.

A man tried to start some fisticuffs and told another man he would ram his elbow in his mouth.

A very small lady gets on every day. But I'm not sure if she is a dwarf or just small.

Today a van did something to the bus and cut it up. The driver then had a shout-off.

Newsflash: just heard the small person talking. She has the same voice as Ann Widdecombe. She talks so loud. Everyone was looking.

The express doesn't stop, and every time I get on there is someone who wants to get off. Bings the bell a bunch of times and then goes to yell at the driver. But every time you get on it tells you the bus is express.

Ok, that's it for now. I hope to come back to this topic soon.